Your beautiful picture just fell out of my journal and I can’t imagine that was by accident. This is my opportunity to tell you I miss you. You could never have imagined what has happened since I heard your soothing voice for the last time and said goodbye for now.
The world has pretty much come to a complete halt. We have been hit by a pandemic virus and we are all confined to our homes indefinitely. Life as we knew it has changed and will never be the same. You left at the right time. You would have struggled through this and most likely not survived. We are all healthy and fine – adjusting to this new, ever-changing reality. Can you imagine me in the house, most of the time by myself- with no place to go, except a daily walk and an occasional trip to the grocery store – crazy, right?
So I am adjusting, finding peace within, seeking stillness, learning, exploring and in no hurry to be busy again. I am getting back to writing, Sine has brought out her violin, Jason is reading bedtime stories for his students on Instagram and Sebastian is baking coffee cake.
Here are three take-aways so far.
- I am so very fortunate and grateful. We live in a beautiful home, have plenty to get us through. I have my husband right here with me and family around. I am surrounded by love. We still have our jobs and I have prepared my whole life for handling anything that comes my way, grounded in who I am, in hope, trust and possibilities.
- A higher power has stopped us in our tracks. We are forced to re-set our system. Mother Earth has been not been this heard before – but we are listening now. We have abused our planet, created inequity and allowed injustice to settle in. We are completely out of balance. Existing powers and formal systems are all shaken to their core- some more than others. We have all been thrown into the “unknown”. I am surrendering, flowing with what is and have hope for a better future.
- Radical compassion is what the world needs right now. I was just starting to understand the real meaning, but the ‘aha’ has flown right inside the very center, the eye, the essence. I am practicing compassion for myself, I cannot survive and thrive without caring for myself. Compassion for the people around me: family, friends, colleagues, neighbors, as we all find our way. Compassion for the people on the margin, in dire need- wherever you are: on the streets, in underserved communities, in stressed households, living in conflict zones or are on the move away from home. I see you and stand with you. Frankly – maybe the root of all of this is an epidemic of emotional numbness to ourselves and others.
Father Greg, from Homeboy Industries taught me that there is not “us” and “them”. There is only “us”. We are all in this together.
Mom- I have no idea, what will happen. No-one knows. As always I am hopeful, optimistic, see infinite possibilities and know we will learn some big lessons from all of this.
I miss you every day, I channel you often and it is hard not being able to call and hear your soothing voice.
I know you and Dad are together. You brought me here. I have prepared for this my whole life. I will use this opportunity- so I grow, give, be for others and live compassion in a way I am only now starting to grasp.
In Hope, Gratitude and Compassion, Namaste.
My Mother passed away April 11th 2019, shortly after her 90th Birthday.
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